A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus.
When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, Mom, down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question.
The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
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One day a women walks into work in a short skirt.
As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says,
“Your hair smells really nice today.”
She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office.
She says,”I want to file a sexual harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened.
The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?”
Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”
A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.
The doctor says, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?”
The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
They're going to call her Old Spice.
Vote:
A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.
"Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."
"I know!" grinned the patient.
"But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear?
A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile.
The crocodile told him, "Please let me go.
I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay.
I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"