Joke #4708

I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work. To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: IT

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A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
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has 69.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: desert island, IT, time
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: IT
Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
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has 79.21 % from 649 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, gym, IT
Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.” Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?” Customer: “Netscape.” Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?” Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?” Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.” Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”
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has 75.69 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT
Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out? A: Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
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has 43.40 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: IT
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common? A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
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has 80.46 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, nerd, technology
New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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has 36.46 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, new year, technology
Why did the lumberjack get nowhere with the internet? He kept logging on and off.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: IT
With searching comes loss And the presence of absence: ‘My Novel’ not found.
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has 13.20 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: IT
Q: What is 001011010110101010100101010010101015 in binary? A: A major glitch!
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, technology