There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
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Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits?
Wheelburrows.
How do you make a small fortune out of horses?
Start off with a large fortune!
Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
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The little snail begs for his mother:
Mother, please let me pass the rail road!
Thunder dear, not now.
In five hours the train passes.
One day at the Ricki Lake Show, the topic was ghosts.
Before the show, she asks the audience: "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" and 5 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" and 3 people raise their hand.
Then she asks "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?" and 1 person, an old man raises his hand.
So she goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" and he said "Oh…it was great! Never had any like it before!"
and she asked "Really? So the ghost was good?"
and the old man said "Ghost? I thought you said goat!"
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows.
Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark.
He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators.
"Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?"
Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England."
The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"