What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
The Lizard of Oz.
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A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet.
A family is driving in their car on a holiday.
A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.
He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.
Frog is grateful, thanks the man, and tells him that he will grant him a wish.
Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.
Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car.
The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.
The man says: "Well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area."
Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.
Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.
The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog?"
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it?
Jawbreakers.
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
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First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way?
Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that cow's butt.
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What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
A nude guy was sunbathing at the beach, a little girl comes to him, he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl asks, "hats under there?"
So the man answers , "A bird..."
The girl goes away & the man falls asleep. When he wakes up, he finds himself in a hospital & in alot of pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed & asks, 'What happened?'
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach & fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they got there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man...?
She answers, "I din't do anything to the man, but he was sleeping, I played with his bird, After a while, it spat at me, so i broke its neck, burnt its nest, and smashed all its eggs!"