What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house?
The Lizard of Oz.
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Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
Yak the Ripper.
A husband and wife are eating soup.
The wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
What's a rabbits favorite TV show?
Hoppy Days.
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail?
Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?
A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pyjamas.
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves.
They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.
"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."
"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."
"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."
A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons.
"Gerald - the house you bought was too big.
I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house.
Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old.
But Robert - you know exactly what I like.
The chicken was delicious."