What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other?
Isaiah.
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Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion.
The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”
In what state will you find the most cows?
Moo York.
Q: What side of the cow gives the most milk?
A: The utter side.
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
"Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
Q:Why did the cow cross the road?
A:To go to the moo-vies.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Q: Where does a kangaroo go that can't hop?
A: Hopspital.