What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other?
Isaiah.
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During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet.
Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
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Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Q. What did the frog say to the fly?
A. You are really starting to bug me!