Joke #6708

Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard by choice, even the jaws of life can't cut it.

Q: What did the sergeant tomato say to the slacker soldier tomato? A: "You better catch up!"

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over!"

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?!" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practicing my art!" "That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

Why are we so sure that Eve was African? If she were white, she wouldn't have eaten that apple! She would say, "Is this organic? What would Oprah do?" If she had been Asian, she'd have eaten the damn snake!

"Today, I saw a homeless men living in a tyre. So I did good deed and punctured it." "How is that a good deed?" "He is now living in a flat."

Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."

Romi (to the doctor): "Doctor, my sister thinks that she is a lift." Doctor: "Tell her to come in." Romi: "I cannot" Doctor: "Why so?" Romi: "Because she does not stop at this floor."

Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.