Joke #3722

Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
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has 82.28 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, prison, work
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him. Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case. ‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’ ‘Why?’ asks the judge. ‘He won your acquittal. Why do you want to have him arrested?’ Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal. Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet. Of course, they should at the court.
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has 32.17 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, sport
A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."
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has 83.67 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, light bulb
How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore? A good start...
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and couldn't see you there." "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "It was MY fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?" "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "Since I'm blind, I've never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we'll both know?" So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, "Well, you're soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!" The little blind bunny was so pleased with this that he danced with joy. The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?" The snake said he didn't know, for the same reason. The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, "So, what kind of animal am I?" The bunny said, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."
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has 81.65 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: animal, health, lawyer
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were. "Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated. "Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?" "Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money