Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
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Lawyer was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.
"You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.
One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire?
Both of them.
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats?
A total waste of space!
What do you call ten lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand?
Football practice.