Joke #4139

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Vote: has 34.87 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
Vote: has 72.34 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: "Have you any grounds?" "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home." "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It made of concrete." "I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?" "No, we have carport, and not need one." "I mean. What are your relations like?" "All my relations still in Poland." "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player." "Does your wife beat you up?" "No, I always up before her." "Is your wife a nagger?" "No, she white." "Why do you want this divorce?" "She going to kill me." "What makes you think that?" "I got proof." "What kind of proof?" "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom." "I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'"
Vote: has 54.64 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, divorce, lawyer, marriage, wife
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, lawyer
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
Vote: has 69.89 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, lawyer, lesbian