Joke #4139

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.

Man to lawyer: ‘If I give you £500, will you answer two questions?’ Lawyer: ‘Absolutely. What’s the other question?’

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!

An airliner is having engine trouble. The pilot instructs the cabin crew to prepare for an emergency landing. A few minutes later the pilot asks the flight attendants if everyone is buckled in and ready. ‘All set back here, Captain,’ comes the reply. ‘Except one lawyer. He’s still going around passing out business cards.’

Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.

A loan shark asks a lawyers advice: How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt? Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you. Ok but I only loaned him $1,000! That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...

A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."