Joke #3966

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A defendant was on trial for murder in Philadelphia. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." Answered the jury foreman: "Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t."
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has 84.72 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
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has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb, money
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer
What do you call ten lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand? Football practice.
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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has 16.16 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry. He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, “Asshole attorneys”. The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying “I want you to know I highly resent that remark”. “Why, are you an attorney?” “No, I’m an asshole.”
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has 81.89 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A loan shark asks a lawyers advice: How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt? Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you. Ok but I only loaned him $1,000! That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer