Computers are like air conditioners.
They work fine until you start opening windows.
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How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Yes.
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Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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1998: Don't get in the car with strangers.
2008: Don't meet people from the internet.
2018: Order yourself a stranger to get in the car with from the internet. (Uber)
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland?
A: Nerdic.
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Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.
Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones.
This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.
Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.
Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data
Why did the lumberjack get nowhere with the internet?
He kept logging on and off.
Two programmers after work, talking in a pub:
"You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar."
- And what did you do ?
"I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her."
"Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?"
"I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop."
"Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the November 5th bonfire?
Zero Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.
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