Joke #3848

Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sex?’ Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’ Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue. Forget it.’

Boy: What's it called when 3 people have sex? Girl: A threesome. Boy: What's it called when two people have sex? Girl: A twosome. Boy: Now you know why they call me handsome.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.

I'm like happy meal. "Coz you are small and pretty?" "No, coz I always c*m with a toy inside.

Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.

A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."

Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"

Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.

‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation. Can you help me?!’ ‘No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’

Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."