Joke #3848

Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sex?’ Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’ Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue. Forget it.’

I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.

I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer. Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."

Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...

So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms. I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag? I said No, she's not that ugly. Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"

Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?" "No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."

Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.

Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.

Mary and Jane are talking. Mary declares that she’s finally got pregnant after years of trying. ‘How did you manage it?’ asks Jane. ‘I went to that hypnotherapist on the High Street,’ replies Mary. ‘I got pregnant within two months.’ ‘Oh, my husband and I tried seeing him years ago,’ says Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’ ‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary. ‘You have to go alone.’

Two men are having a drink together. One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married. What about you?’ ‘I don’t know,’ says the other. ‘What was her maiden name?’