Joke #3859

No matter how hard we try, we never seem to save any money. Our neighbours are always buying something we can’t afford.
Vote:
has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
Vote:
has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”
Vote:
has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: money, old people, time
Q: Why did the Asian cross the road? A: Because he had no car!
Vote:
has 37.95 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, money, racist
Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
Vote:
has 56.57 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: food, money, Yo mama
Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did. The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can’t hear you." The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can’t hear you." Finally, the priest yelled, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" Again, the reply was, "I can’t hear you." The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question." So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?" To which the priest replied, "By golly, you’re right, you can’t hear in here!"
Vote:
has 81.09 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: church, men, money, priest, wife
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
Vote:
has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, money, work
Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
Vote:
has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: accountant, management, money
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Vote:
has 79.93 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
There appeared suddenly a crowd of many people in the street, because they caught a thief, who has stolen 500 euros from the grocery. They wanted to beat him up, but Johny stayed still and told the people: "who is without guilt, may throw a stone at this thief!" Nobody wanted to throw a stone at this thief, becuase nobody was without guilt. Suddenly one stone has hit this thief directly into his forehead and he has fallen down to the ground. Johny asked: "who was it? Who was it?" The Heaven has opened and the oldest archangel has s aid: "it was me!"
Vote:
has 80.35 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: heaven, life, mean, money
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
Vote:
has 14.67 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money