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Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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I dropped my laptop into the ocean the other day.
Now I have a Dell rolling in the deep.
What did the psychiatrist say to the android kleptomaniac?
DON'T keep taking the tablets!
A programmer had a problem.
He decided to use Java.
He now has a ProblemFactory.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society.
Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests.
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people.
Host: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost.
A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people.
Host: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants.
A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own.
Host: Why haven't you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan.
20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess.
Host: Where have you been MySQL?
MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.
Let's hope your new one works better than the one you had before.
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Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
A: Lost.
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If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.
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