Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’
Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’
Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’
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Yo momma so fat when I crawl in her pussy I can't find my way out.
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Q: What’s so good in f***ing twenty six year olds?
A: That they are twenty…
Q: What do you call a roman warrior after oral sex?
A: Gladiator.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking.
They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed.
Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.”
So they go back to her place and have great sex.
Afterwards, Sean says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand.”
Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, “Okay”.
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.
Then Sean says, “Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand.”
Kylie is now used to the routine and complies.
The results are mind blowing.
Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?”
Sean replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet.”
So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a blowjob.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his penis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his penis and shouted: "HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"