Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
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Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees.
He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.
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On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers.
He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
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After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris.
It was more "humane".
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Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch...
Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
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Q: Why is Chuck Norris still alive?
A: Death remembers the feeling of the round-house kick.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Mickey mouse talks like that.
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Ed and Lorraine Warren have the doll Anabelle locked in a glass case in their basement, a priest comes there every week to whisper Chuck Norris's name in its ear.
The doll locked itself in the case upon first hearing the name.
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After Chuck Norris created Jazz he decided to do a bit of scat, today we refer to his song as the alphabet.
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Chuck Norris is so awesome, he can dodge rain.
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When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
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