Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
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Chuck Norris didn't shoot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the deputy.
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Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
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If Chuck Norris was on Minute to Win it, they would need 59 seconds of filler.
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Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs.
Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
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Chuck Norris was the reason E.T. went home.
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Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
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Chuck Norris does not play the lottery.
It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
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Chuck Norris can take the bridge to nowhere and actually reach his destination.
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Chuck Norris' blood is the only blood to test positive for kickass.
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Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
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