Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris threw rocks into the ocean and named them Hawaii
Chuck Norris doesn't make typos. Words simply stutter in his presence.
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
Adamantium may be hard but Chuck Norris is harder.
Tornadoes have sirens to warn them when Chuck Norris is coming.
Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.