Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use a fire extinguisher to put out fires... he just tells the fire to stop burning.
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Chuck Norris uses the lethal injection to have a 5min nap.
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A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him.
That man was Stephen Hawking.
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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If Chuck Norris is after you, don't bother killing yourself, he'll pull you down from heaven and kill you again.
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Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
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Chuck Norris can turn toast back into bread.
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Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
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Chuck Norris got a flame and froze it.
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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