Harry is better at sex than anyone he know.
Now all he needs is a partner.
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A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
"Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.
"No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion.
Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor.
“Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief.
But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.”
“What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously.
“Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.”
“Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully.
“That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.”
“Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened.
“It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A: A sharp pain in the ass.
A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream.
He asked his wife if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination.
Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?"
"Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.