Did you hear about the small golf course?
You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
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Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
"Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl?
A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
Vote:
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things.
I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care.
Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
Two guys are out hunting deer...
The first guy says, "Did you see that?...pointing to the sky."
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!" the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind?
There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!"
"Yah, Ok", says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice.
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
This time pointing behind them.
By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, "Yah, I SAW IT!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"