Joke #4021

A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk. When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.

If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).

‘The United States has developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It’s called the stock market.’ Jay Leno

Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"

Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"

A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".

Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"

When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.

Yo' Mama is so poor, her face is on the food stamp.