Joke #4026

A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’

I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.

Q: What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second? A: First honeymoon, Niagara. Second honeymoon, Viagra.

Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" "Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."

Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. "Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed." Two days later her doorbell rings. "Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away." "What makes you think you are great in bed?" the woman retorts. Tim replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?"

What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.

"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal. "Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.

Why are black peoples eyes red after sex? Pepper spray.

Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.