Joke #4086

If it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.

Marriages are made in Heaven – but then again, so are thunder and lightning.

Man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.

Men and women can be friends without any sex involved. It's called marriage.

What are the similarities between a new wife and a tornado, there's a lot of suckin and blowin and then u lose ur house.

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

Guns don’t kill people – husbands who come home early kill people.