Joke #4088

If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.
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has 62.80 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
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has 52.46 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: car, death, heaven, marriage, wedding
A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"
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has 85.65 % from 751 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
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has 85.92 % from 2088 votes. More jokes about: golf, husband, marriage, sport, wife
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
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has 35.66 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. "What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
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has 58.88 % from 299 votes. More jokes about: marriage, romantic, Valentines day
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
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has 58.51 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: age, church, marriage, time
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard? A: Shoot him again.
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has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage
There’s a lot to be said about marriage, but we try not to say it in front of the children.
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has 83.15 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: NO! Don’t even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course! Over and over! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: NO! Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling!
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has 31.21 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, relationship