Joke #4333

Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film? They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"

The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low. The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them? A. Just in case they get a hole in one.

Why did the basketball player go to jail? "Because he shot the ball!"

A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?" "Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game? Because all the fans have left.

Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.

Bill and Earl are out playing golf. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing. Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"

Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.

A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They're kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket. "What is that?" she asks. "Those are my golf balls." "Is that like tennis elbow?"