Joke #4333

Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film? They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"
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A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better." The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
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Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
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Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
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A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk." "Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks. "The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" "I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you." As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
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Q: What's the difference between a teabag and england? A: The teabag stays in the cup longer!
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Chuck Norris sky dives without a parachute.
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Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.
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Golfer: "My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!" Caddy: "I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!"
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I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
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