Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film?
They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"
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A sailor and a priest were playing golf.
The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot.
Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."
Q: What did the basketball say to the player?
A: Please don't shoot me.
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Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.
How about we march into your red zone and I'll split the uprights?
High five!
A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox."
"Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby.
If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"
"No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"
What you call a wrecking ball, Chuck Norris calls a punching bag.
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Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.