‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago.
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
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Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted.
I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized."
"Grandma, in the greengrocery they have that thick and that long cucumber."
Deaf grandma answers,"be sure he'll also marry you."
Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes.
They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q: What is the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's Day.
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Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.
Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs.
Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began.
After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour."
Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?"
Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.
The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?"
Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.
Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man."
Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.
Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?"
Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil."
So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm fucking!"
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The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’
To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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