‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago.
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Vote:
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.
No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
‘I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.’
Steve Martin
‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’
George Burns
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.
Vote:
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: Boo-bees.
Mary and Jane are talking.
Mary declares that she’s finally got pregnant after years of trying.
‘How did you manage it?’ asks Jane.
‘I went to that hypnotherapist on the High Street,’ replies Mary.
‘I got pregnant within two months.’
‘Oh, my husband and I tried seeing him years ago,’ says Jane.
‘It didn’t work for us.’
‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary.
‘You have to go alone.’