Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he made a mistake
The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
Chuck Norris doesn't check the time - he decides it.
Chuck Norris cleans his teeth with a dentists drill.
If Chuck Norris gets a question wrong, it is right.
Chuch Norris doesn't make threats, he makes promises.
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.