If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.
The list of names at the end of every Chuck Norris film is the list of people he's killed.
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in a half-hour.
When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he's retreating. He's not. He's just attacking from another direction.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
The world ends on December 21st, 2012. Only because that's when Chuck Norris masters the Falco Punch.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
During vacation my front door's open and I left a note saying "This house is protected by Chuck Norris 3 days a week you guess which 3." All was good.