Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
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Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun?
"Are you pure bred?"
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one
What a HippoCrip.
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!
- Do you have any nails?
- No,I don't.
- Do you have any bananas?
Why do cows wear bells around their necks?
Because their horns don't work.