Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this.
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Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you.
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
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Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff.
His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air.
Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy."
The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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