Joke #10705

If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.

What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.

Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.

What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown? Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.

There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."

An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."

Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.

What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse.

Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!

According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.