‘Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.’
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. "Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills." "I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her." "I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to." A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald - the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert - you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.