Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve? A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.