Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure.
You carry the suitcases!"
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Vote:
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Three couples are having a picnic.
One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey."
The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar."
Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife.
See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation!
So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man?
No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!