Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.
A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life. “Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest fags in America?” comes from the CB. The Roadway driver replies, “I don’t know.” The other trucker says ” You and your brother.” Well the Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him “It’s just a joke – tell it to the next truck you see.” Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck. He gets on the CB and says “Hey other truck, do you know who the two biggest fags in the world are?” The other trucker says, “I don’t know, who?” The roadway driver replies “Me and my brother.”
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
"What is the thickest book in the world? What Men Think They Know About Women."
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?" "No, my dog doesn't bite." The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!" The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
How do you know if your man is dead? The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.