Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Ones the bus was full of people.
A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt.
She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...
A Knight was getting ready for the crusade.
Ha turned to his friend and told him:
"My fiancée is the most beautiful girl in the world and I can't imagine her being with someone else, while I'm gone. You're my best friend and I trust you. Here's the key for her chastity belt. In case I never get back, unlock her and set her free."
When the crusade Knights were a mile away from the village, the Knight gets an urgent message:
"Mate, You Gave Me The Wrong Key!"
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.