What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women? A: men have an antenna!
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!." "No worries," replies the clerk. "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs." "Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent. With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing?" she asks. "Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised? A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down. He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck. He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking. A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do. He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him. The windows roll down and smoke pours out. He sees a bunch of empty beer bottles. The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?" He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them. The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"