What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
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Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
A second man walks into the same bar.
You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat.
"Excuse me sir but are you a real cowboy?"
The man says, "Well I have a ranch and horses. I go to rodeos and raise cattle and other livestock, so yes I suppose I'm a real cowboy."
The woman says, "Well I think I'm a l*sbian. Women are always on my mind whether I'm working eating driving or whatever its still the same. I cant get women off my mind. Yes I think I'm a l*sbian."
The young woman gets up and leaves the coffee shop.
A short time later a young guy comes in and sits down next to the man and asks him, "Sir are you a real cowboy?" To that the man replies, "Well I always thought I was, but just a few minutes ago I found out I'm a l*sbian!"
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Two men were talking about their wives.
First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please."
Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: Pussy.
Son: I don't get it.
Dad: Exactly...
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check.
"I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"