Joke #4766

I've recently got a stalker. He's everywhere all the time. And his thing is that he sends other people to profess his love for me. So I can be walking down the street and all of a sudden a lady will appear screaming: "JESUS LOVES YOU."

A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas. They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately. The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job. Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert. Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around. Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."

Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

What is the best type of ship? FRIENDSHIP!

Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yea right. Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.

What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician? A Labracadabrador!

Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman - then always be Batman

J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day? A: TWERKY!

Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do? U stop imagining...

Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.