A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
Why did the blonde roast a chicken for three and a half days? The instructions said ‘cook it for half an hour per pound’, and she weighed 125.
There were once 3 blondes stranded on a deserted island, and could not think of a way to get off it. One of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp. Dusting it off, the genie came out. "I will grant you each a wish," he said. "Why not," thought the blondes. "It's worth a try." "I want to be the world's best swimmer," one said, "so I can swim off of the island". She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away. "I want to be a bird," one said, and flew away immediately. The third and last blonde thought for a while. "I want to be a man." She was instantly transformed into a man, and she walked over the bridge to the mainland.
Why did the blonde have empty beer cans in her fridge? For people who don't drink.
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!
Q: Why are two blonde girls fighting on a motorcycle? A: They are fighting because they both want to sit next to the window.
Mike, to a blonde at the bar: "It's rude to interrupt a man when he's talking to his wife." Sara: "Wife?" Mike: "I'm working on it." Sara: "You're awful sure of yourself." Mike: "You too."
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes? A: Because they leave to go answer the door.
A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car. The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."