Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear. Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admits that he did. She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work. On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill's wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves. When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?" She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."
How do most men compare to Mel Gibson? They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?" Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?" Dan says, "OOOOH WOW! Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."