Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?
A: Inflate it.
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Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.
A married couple go to a restaurant.
A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.
The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit.
"I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang.
It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!”
“It’s not just one car!” said the blonde.
“There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”
Q: What's a blonde's favorite drink
A: A cocktail.
How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke.
The trick is that they must not laugh.
The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell.
The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs.
Finally, it’s the blondes turn.
She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs.
God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man,
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No.
I think I'll just wait for the police..."
How does a blonde answer the question, ‘Are you sexually active?’
‘No, I just lie there.’
A blonde, brunette and a red-head were trapped on a island 20 miles from shore.
The red-head started swimming and got tired after 2 miles and turned around and swam back.
Then the brunette started to swim and after 7 miles of swimming she turned back.
The blonde jumped in and swam 17 miles got tired and turned back.