Joke #5031

Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
Vote:
has 74.84 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: men

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Vote:
has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
Vote:
has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: beer, men, political, science, women
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
Vote:
has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
Vote:
has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, car, divorce, men, wife
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?" "No, my dog doesn't bite." The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously. A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!" The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
Vote:
has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: customer service, dog, men
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog. After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
Vote:
has 81.38 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: couple, disgusting, dog, men, music
Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, men
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Vote:
has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Vote:
has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men