A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
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A man walks into a sperm Bank.
He approaches a man who has just walked out of a donating cubicle.
He decides to start a conversation with him.
He approaches the man and says "So then, do you come here often?"
The man replies "Only when the internets off" and walks off.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.
The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.
The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court.
The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that bull came home this morning."
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested.
After that, He creaed man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.
Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on Earth for?"
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time.
If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor."
"OK, but it's against my better judgment."
Steve has his operation.
The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand.
Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised."
Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.