Joke #5058

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

Q: What did the dentist say to the computer? A: This won't hurt a byte

The biggest SEO problem with trampoline websites is the high user bounce rate!

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.

The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!" The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

1998: Don't get in the car with strangers. 2008: Don't meet people from the internet. 2018: Order yourself a stranger to get in the car with from the internet. (Uber)

How do insects communicate? By bee mail.

Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? Yes.

An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’