Joke #5084

FOUR stages of girl & boy relation! 1. hand in hand. 2. that in hand. 3. hand in that. 4. that in that.

We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.

My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.

Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.

Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?" Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."

Jesus and the devil were arguing over which one of them was the better computer programmer. "I am!" Jesus shouted. "No, I am!" the devil countered. "I am!" "I am!" "Me!" "No, me!" "EEEEEEENOUGH!" God bellowed, and the whole universe disappeared into darkness. When the lights came back on, two computers were sitting in front of them. God said "Now, whoever makes the best computer program in twenty minutes wins." Jesus and the devil both sat down, typing and clicking furiously. This went on for about 15 minutes, but then there was a power failure, and everything went dark. When everything came back up again, the computer screens were both blank. The devil tried in vain to get back everything he had lost. He came up empty-handed. Jesus pressed one key and it all came back. The devil looked at him in astonishment. "No way! How did you do that?!" Jesus turned to him and smiled, and said "Everybody knows Jesus saves."