Joke #5148

If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.

What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor. When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill's wife isn't wearing any underwear. Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife follows him and asks, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admits that he did. She says, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." They decide that John should come to her house around 2 p.m. on Friday while Bill is at work. On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill's wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves. When Bill comes home at 6 p.m., he asks his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replies, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asks, "Did he give you $100?" She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100." "Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.

When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!

They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired." Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.