A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast.
At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse.
“Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.
“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”