Joke #6241

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.

One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar. Man says "you can leave that lion here." The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."

A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."

A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!" "That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts." A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!" "Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!" Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died." "No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims. "Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."

One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."

How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?