A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
What does a man call true love?
An erection.
Question: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"