Joke #6241

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar." "One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?" "Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars." "Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
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Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
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How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

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Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
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Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked." With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!" She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!" With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left. The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
Vote: has 81.57 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

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A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk.  The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country."  The man says "Oh is that where the job is?" The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
Vote: has 74.78 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

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What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
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What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.
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What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
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Q: What would men do if they had breasts? A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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