A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff. Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt. She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!" She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman." He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. "Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman." "OK," says Ivan. After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."