What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
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How do you know when a crab is drunk?
It walks forwards.
What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon?
A hare dare.
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
A Bosnian catches a goldfish.
The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish."
The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Q: Why can't black kids play in the the sandbox?
A: Because the cats keep covering them up.
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind?
A: A maybe.
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?
Filet delay.