Joke #9943

What newspaper do cows read? The Daily Moos.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal

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What is the definition of "derange"? De place where de cowboys ride.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."  The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."  The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.  The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.  Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."  The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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has 85.25 % from 679 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, duck, hunting, lawyer
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, fart
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"
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has 74.23 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, game
How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'
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has 13.02 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, dog
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog, drunk
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
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has 14.73 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, money