What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
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My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis!"
I replied, "That's 15 love!"
Q: What's the difference between basketball and sex?
A: In basketball you dribble before you shoot!
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool;
Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael.
‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat.
‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied.
‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted
‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.
‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’
‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
In the summer.
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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!
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A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing.
He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."
The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on.
The voice booms again, "You will find no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?"
The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
He was a colourful boxer.
Black and blue all over.
A college freshman decided to try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed.
Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach.
"But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.
"Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
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