What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
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Hey babe, let's play football!
You can have first down.
High five!
Chuck Norris can run a full marathon in just 3 miles.
Vote:
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer?
A: Chelsea.
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.
The first of the twosome teed-off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his "pain."
"Please allow me to help, I am a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!"
She told him earnestly.
"ohh No, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
The woman takes it upon herself to begin to "ease his pain".
She began to massage his groin.
After a few moments she asked, "does that feel better?"
The man looked up at her and replied, "yes, that feels pretty good ... but my thumb still hurts like hell!"
Did you hear about the small golf course?
You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
The Golfer asked his Caddy, "Hey boy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?
Caddy replied, "The way you play, Sir, its a crime any day of the week!"
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball?
Under the Hoop
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.
Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system -
"Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".
He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.
The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"
He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,
"Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!