How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
Two cows were talking.One cow asked the other" I wonder what hamburgers are made of?" The other cow replied "YOUR MOM!
What do you call a rabbit who is real cool? A hip hopper.
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again? A dirty double-crosser!
Thousands of years ago cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer. "Get to work," the store-keeper urged. "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared. When this had been provided: "Now give me a quart of whiskey." Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly: "Now show me the cellar." An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted: "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
How to catch a polar bear: Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file. Hide behind a nearby rock. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!