How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotapus.
First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way?
Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up...
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.
After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck.
The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm.
"But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend.
"Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture.
Bubba sees a sheep caught up in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"!
Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep.
He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"?
Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my shirt caught up in the fence".
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late?
Filet delay.
A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head.
The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’
‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’
‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman.
‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
How do you f*ck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
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When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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