How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
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A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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Which big cat should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your Father.
I think he's in the garage".
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".
Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"
The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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What is a frogs favorite time?
Leap Year!
Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?"
Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
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Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.