I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.
Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.
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I posted a blonde joke on facebook accompanied by: "for my blonde friends... an apology".
One of them responded.
"You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."
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Joke has 51.25 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, Facebook, friendship, stupid
Him: "I'm going to come and see you, I don't care about the gas prices or anything I'm coming to no matter what."
Her: "Aw okay, I'm going to get ready."
Him: "I love you, I can't wait to see you, I'm getting ready to leave."
Her: "Okay honey, I'm on my period, just letting you know."
Him: "My car just blew up, I can't come see you."
Her: "Get your friend to bring you, he always does."
Him: "He got shot I can't come, sorry."
Her: "Never mind I'm not on my period, my panties are just red."
Him: "My boy said he is okay, he's going to take me, I'm going."
Her: "I'm really on my period."
Him: "Damn! He got shot again..."
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Joke has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, disgusting, friendship, love, relationship
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer.
Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
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I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuck up.
Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army.
They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together.
After retirement, they went to different states and settled.
However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails.
To keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately!
When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: "This glass is Timothy's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each - one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself."
Suddenly one evening Tom was seen with only one glass on his table.
He was asked what had happened.
He replied, "You see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend."
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Joke has 80.13 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, friendship, military, old people
Facebook wants to add Chuck Norris as a Friend.
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Why is Facebook like Jail?
"You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know!"
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar.
"Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?"
"Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
"A pair of slippers and a dildo?"
"Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
Two old friends met by chance on the street.
After chatting for some time, one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me."
The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"
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Joke has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: communication, friendship, memory, old people, time