Joke #533

I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

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Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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Boss comes up to an employee: "Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!" "Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day."
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Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
Vote: has 51.26 % from 174 votes. Send joke:

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Status I didn't fall down, I attacked the floor.
Vote: has 73.95 % from 446 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook... No one's his friend.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you die.
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Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. After retirement, they went to different states and settled. However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails. To keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: "This glass is Timothy's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each - one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself." Suddenly one evening Tom was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, "You see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend."
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

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Dear Facebook, Everytime I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her? Is she your sister?"
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

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