Joke #5411

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!

A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra. Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.

Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

Q:What did the black girl say while having sex? A:Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.

What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!

Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".

A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary: Darling, have you been unfaithful to me? Yes, honey, three times. When was the first time? Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you. Thanks, darling. And when was the second time? Do you remember when you were very ill and nobody would agree to make the surgery for you? And finally the head of the department took care of you? Thank you darling, you saved my life. And with whom have you been unfaithful to me for the third time? Do you remember when you were a candidate to the position of city mayor and you were missing 36 votes?