If only telemarketers would have the balls to call Chuck Norris... Then none of us would have to put up with them again.
Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus and the jeep.
When Jeronimo jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "CHUUUUCCCKKK NNNNOOOORRRIIIISSSSSS!" When Chuck Norris jumps out of an airplane, he yells: "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.