When Chuck Norris visits Africa, the animals are required to stay in their cars.
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Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
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Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
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Chuck Norris cannot only accelerate beyond the speed of light.
He can also accelerate beyond the speed of dark.
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Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris has no need to walk.
The universe simply moves around him.
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Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter.
He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
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