Chuck Norris Turns his grass emo so it will cut itself.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a will. Invincible people don't need them.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.
Chuck Norris made an armless man tap out.
Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
Chuck Norris doesn't lift weights he tells his muscles to get bigger.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook... No one's his friend.