What's the biggest difference between men and women ?
Men are crabby all month long.
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Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.
He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle."
The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
They put one man on the moon.
Why can’t they put them all there?
An advertisement:
I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones.
Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on Earth for?"
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time.
If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor."
"OK, but it's against my better judgment."
Steve has his operation.
The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand.
Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised."
Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"