What's the biggest difference between men and women ? Men are crabby all month long.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Three couples are having a picnic. One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey." The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar." Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.
Q: What would men do if they had breasts? A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says, "I would take half and leave you". Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants," she said. "That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!" She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"