What's the biggest difference between men and women ? Men are crabby all month long.
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff. Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt. She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!" She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman." He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
A woman went shopping. She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste... All of a sudden the salesman asks her: "You're single, aren't you?" A bit surprised woman smiles and answers: "That's right, but how did you guessed that?" "Because you're so ugly."
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested. After that, He creaed man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.